LEMON.
On OCTOBER 1st my nephew 1/28 was murdered. My life was changed forever, the innocence I loved about my life was gone for good. This is a fear I lived with for so long that has now become my reality.
Days before...
A few days before his murder I was meditating and I was thinking of gratitude. I thought about how hard 2020 has been and all the things I've been able to overcome in the past. At that moment I thanked God that all my family was alive with the exception of my Grandmother. Death has missed my family for a very long time. We have been faced with so much but that was one thing I never had to endure. I am very grateful to say all my family is well.
My Nieces and Nephews are my LIFE. I don't have any children (besides my dog) I have such a great connection with all these many different people GOD placed in my life. Being an Auntie with no children is a very unique place in life. It has taught me so much about myself. My nephew Lemon lost his life to senseless violence and our family is forever changed.
The call...
When my mother called me to say Lemon was killed; I was struck with shock. I calmly told her I would need to call her back as many times my family gets things wrong and I was hoping this was "hearsay". I sat to process the information and prayed it wasn't true. I just figured we had more time! I truly thought God would allow all my nieces and nephews to grow up and all would be well. I truly believed that one day we would all celebrate their success and accomplishments together. I imagined myself being there whenever they need me. I really thought we would all come together as a family and things would just be good. As I got in the car I knew God had mentally been preparing me for what was to come because I was just too calm. I had too much grace I was above everything that was happening. (still in shock)
The Family...
As I arrived at my sister's house I saw cars lined the streets and parked in the yard. When I walked in I saw both my sisters 2 of 7 and I hugged my sister who was the mother of Lemon. While there I never spoke a word, I had no idea what was going on and how this could be real. It felt like a horrible lifetime movie but I was in it playing myself. My other nieces and nephews had a look on their faces I had never seen. It was the saddest look I had ever seen. The other women there were praying and calling on Jesus and all I could do was stand in shock. We planned to go look for him, Lemon being dead was only hearsay at this time. No one knew for certain but "streets talk" so we knew things weren't good.
Like a scene out of a movie a man road down the street in a pickup truck and called for my sister. I could hear her screams from where I was in the house, its a sound I will never forget. She ran into the house and just fail to the ground it too more than 3 of us to lift her as she was unable to walk. When the man confirmed it was him, I was still in shock holding on to hope and I refused to believe it until I saw it for myself. At that moment we rushed to get in our cars I had no idea where we were going but I just wanted to be by my sister's side. I followed her less than 2 mins from her home to a street with a grass field. When I arrived I saw only 1 cop car and a very small area in the field being taped off. I was lessened 100 feet from Lemons' body where he laid in the field dead. I was in a daze trying my hardest to understand this moment and how this could be real. We stood outside as more police, people, and the media arrived waiting for a positive ID. Every minute was horrific from consoling my nieces to my sister.
HOPE...
I was holding on to hope so hard! My niece told me that my nephew was wearing all white air force 1's the police refused to provide any information. As I looked into the eyes of the beautiful black police officer I asked please tell me he's not wearing white forces. She gave me a nod and said "No, he's not" at that moment I KNEW IT, IT WASN'T HIM all hope restored in my soul. I knew I had more time! I knew he would grow up! This last bit I of hope I had I gave to my nieces and nephews. I told them "Always hold on to hope" even in the worst situations. At that moment I had no idea where I was drawing strength. I remember digging deep inside myself. Processing what was happening how young ladies were watching how I was gone react, people live on IG like our life is entertainment, the community people talking and just watching and even seeing people I knew and them asking me was I okay. While processing the scene I heard my sister say my nephew was wearing grey and black J's not white forces. At that moment why soul begin bleeding but I still refused to believe it. I couldn't take it any longer and I demanded they allow my sister to know. I want to be put out of the lingering assumption and know for sure. They agreed to allow her to view the body and at that moment they confirmed and all hell truly broke loose. I just remember running and grabbing the yellow tape as I lifted it running towards my sister who had attached herself to a light pole on the ground. Then to my niece who lost both shoes and legs physically were deformed she had to be carried by 4 cops and her feet wouldn't allow her to leave the crime scene. The entire family was physically on the scene of the crime past the double tape headed in the direction of Lemon. My niece who was close in age couldn't let go she wanted to see him just one more time. We all finally left because no one could take it any longer! I took the kids for ice cream and to the lake to clear there mind for a moment. They ate the ice cream and cheered up just a little. We played NBA Young Boy "Show me your love" sang back to their house and about 3 houses away from their house as they could see family, the entire car broke out crying! it was the saddest thing EVER.
My Angel...
It's now 2 days since Lemon's death and I am working through these dark times. Going to Walmart and the Mall was my favorite memory, I shared it on IG, my friends and family sent loving messages. While driving yesterday I was going to the side of the town of our favorite Walmart. While with my other I drove in the car to no music just silence. I thought to myself and begin to cry for the first time about how we could never go to Walmart together and how last time I went to that part of town they were with me. At that moment I heard Lemons's voice say "I'm with you Auntie" He had a grin on his face and his voice was just like I remembered. The comfort that brought me is so overwhelming that I can't describe it.
To my beloved Nephew
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and IM SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU...
He truly loved Rollin Racks and I will make sure I never give up on US...
Days before...
A few days before his murder I was meditating and I was thinking of gratitude. I thought about how hard 2020 has been and all the things I've been able to overcome in the past. At that moment I thanked God that all my family was alive with the exception of my Grandmother. Death has missed my family for a very long time. We have been faced with so much but that was one thing I never had to endure. I am very grateful to say all my family is well.
My Nieces and Nephews are my LIFE. I don't have any children (besides my dog) I have such a great connection with all these many different people GOD placed in my life. Being an Auntie with no children is a very unique place in life. It has taught me so much about myself. My nephew Lemon lost his life to senseless violence and our family is forever changed.
The call...
When my mother called me to say Lemon was killed; I was struck with shock. I calmly told her I would need to call her back as many times my family gets things wrong and I was hoping this was "hearsay". I sat to process the information and prayed it wasn't true. I just figured we had more time! I truly thought God would allow all my nieces and nephews to grow up and all would be well. I truly believed that one day we would all celebrate their success and accomplishments together. I imagined myself being there whenever they need me. I really thought we would all come together as a family and things would just be good. As I got in the car I knew God had mentally been preparing me for what was to come because I was just too calm. I had too much grace I was above everything that was happening. (still in shock)
The Family...
As I arrived at my sister's house I saw cars lined the streets and parked in the yard. When I walked in I saw both my sisters 2 of 7 and I hugged my sister who was the mother of Lemon. While there I never spoke a word, I had no idea what was going on and how this could be real. It felt like a horrible lifetime movie but I was in it playing myself. My other nieces and nephews had a look on their faces I had never seen. It was the saddest look I had ever seen. The other women there were praying and calling on Jesus and all I could do was stand in shock. We planned to go look for him, Lemon being dead was only hearsay at this time. No one knew for certain but "streets talk" so we knew things weren't good.
Like a scene out of a movie a man road down the street in a pickup truck and called for my sister. I could hear her screams from where I was in the house, its a sound I will never forget. She ran into the house and just fail to the ground it too more than 3 of us to lift her as she was unable to walk. When the man confirmed it was him, I was still in shock holding on to hope and I refused to believe it until I saw it for myself. At that moment we rushed to get in our cars I had no idea where we were going but I just wanted to be by my sister's side. I followed her less than 2 mins from her home to a street with a grass field. When I arrived I saw only 1 cop car and a very small area in the field being taped off. I was lessened 100 feet from Lemons' body where he laid in the field dead. I was in a daze trying my hardest to understand this moment and how this could be real. We stood outside as more police, people, and the media arrived waiting for a positive ID. Every minute was horrific from consoling my nieces to my sister.
HOPE...
I was holding on to hope so hard! My niece told me that my nephew was wearing all white air force 1's the police refused to provide any information. As I looked into the eyes of the beautiful black police officer I asked please tell me he's not wearing white forces. She gave me a nod and said "No, he's not" at that moment I KNEW IT, IT WASN'T HIM all hope restored in my soul. I knew I had more time! I knew he would grow up! This last bit I of hope I had I gave to my nieces and nephews. I told them "Always hold on to hope" even in the worst situations. At that moment I had no idea where I was drawing strength. I remember digging deep inside myself. Processing what was happening how young ladies were watching how I was gone react, people live on IG like our life is entertainment, the community people talking and just watching and even seeing people I knew and them asking me was I okay. While processing the scene I heard my sister say my nephew was wearing grey and black J's not white forces. At that moment why soul begin bleeding but I still refused to believe it. I couldn't take it any longer and I demanded they allow my sister to know. I want to be put out of the lingering assumption and know for sure. They agreed to allow her to view the body and at that moment they confirmed and all hell truly broke loose. I just remember running and grabbing the yellow tape as I lifted it running towards my sister who had attached herself to a light pole on the ground. Then to my niece who lost both shoes and legs physically were deformed she had to be carried by 4 cops and her feet wouldn't allow her to leave the crime scene. The entire family was physically on the scene of the crime past the double tape headed in the direction of Lemon. My niece who was close in age couldn't let go she wanted to see him just one more time. We all finally left because no one could take it any longer! I took the kids for ice cream and to the lake to clear there mind for a moment. They ate the ice cream and cheered up just a little. We played NBA Young Boy "Show me your love" sang back to their house and about 3 houses away from their house as they could see family, the entire car broke out crying! it was the saddest thing EVER.
My Angel...
It's now 2 days since Lemon's death and I am working through these dark times. Going to Walmart and the Mall was my favorite memory, I shared it on IG, my friends and family sent loving messages. While driving yesterday I was going to the side of the town of our favorite Walmart. While with my other I drove in the car to no music just silence. I thought to myself and begin to cry for the first time about how we could never go to Walmart together and how last time I went to that part of town they were with me. At that moment I heard Lemons's voice say "I'm with you Auntie" He had a grin on his face and his voice was just like I remembered. The comfort that brought me is so overwhelming that I can't describe it.
To my beloved Nephew
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and IM SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU...
He truly loved Rollin Racks and I will make sure I never give up on US...
1 comment
I love you 🍋